I Understand
by Tears of Insanity
Summary: It took me years after both my mother and father's death to understand why Mom didn't cry. But as my little girl asked me why I didn't cry about my own husband's death, I understood... Oneshot.


_This was inspired by DayDreamer71... Read 'A Son To be Proud Of'. It's quite the well-written, touching story._

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Teen Titans.**

**I Understand**

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A single tear rolled down my face, and it soon led to so many more. My mother was standing next to me, holding my hand tight. I didn't know what to do - I was lost, in a manner of speaking. I leaned against her, sobbing, and she stroked my hair softly. I didn't understand why she wasn't crying as well - Didn't she love Dad? She looked sad, but why wouldn't she let tears fall? I wanted to yell at her, but I wouldn't. At least, not now.

My father and mother were both fairly young when I was born, each at the age of 19. Now, 14 years later, they're still young. Far too young to die, right? That's what I said, too.

Dad was a very handsome man, but I only got to see his deep blue eyes once or twice. I don't know why, but he always seemed to wear a mask. He had dark, spiky hair, even though he was in his thirties. Well, he did before he died, anyway. He was broad and strong, but had a gentle heart... I know he loved Mom and I very much. But if he did, then why did he leave us? It puzzled me. Bruce told me that I would eventually grasp to concept of death, butI didn't care. I wanted to grasp it now - Or did I? Did I honestly want to realize that Daddy was never coming back yet? Again, this confused me. I wanted to be able to handle it like Mom seemed to, I really did, but at the same time, it was the worst thing that could happen to me.

Mom... She's a bit harder to explain. Mom has always, always been there for me... No matter what... Same with Dad, he just worked a lot. I looked more like Mom than I did Dad - I had a red chakra on my forehead, pale skin, and violet hair/eyes. I was also named after her mother, Arella. I've always hoped that I would grow up to look like Mom - She was very beautiful. She wasn't extremely tall, but she was rather intimidating. And yet, she seemed to call you to her, as Dad used to put it. She and Dad were both excellent fighters - They were a team. Every once in a while, in a minor case, they would let me help. Just as training, though. I didn't know what Mom was going to do now that Dad was gone.

I wasn't watching the man who was standing up there, talking about Dad... I was watching Mom. I felt even more anger boil up inside me as I thought about Dad - Why wouldn't mom cry? She had always told me that it was ok to cry! Mom saw me glaring at her and sighed. It almost made me feel guilty for being so mad at her right now, when she had always been there for me, but not quite. I was too mad for that. "Cry!" I hadn't realized that I said it out loud until people began to watch us. Gently, Mom lead me outside.

"Are you alright, Arella?" her voice was soft, caring, and it just made me angrier. She shouldn't be so calm!

"No!" I said. It was a horrible thought, and I regret it now, but at that moment, I hated Mom. "Why don't you cry?"

"Your father wouldn't have wanted me too," she said softly. At that point, I busted. How dare she bring the man that she didn't care enough to even cry over his death into the conversation?

"What do you mean, he wouldn't have wanted you to?" I tried to hold back rage from my voice.

"You'll understand when you're older."

No! I wanted her to yell, to get mad, to be upset - I wanted so badly to cut her sentences off, to have her yell at me and just retort with something nasty. And then I slapped her. That's something I wish I could just erase from my memory... Mom had always been so kind, and she was putting up with me while I was furious. Yet, I had slapped her... I immediately regretted it, but I didn't want to show her that. I wanted to see her get angry with me first.

However, the reaction I got added to my guilt. Mom merely sighed. "Go back inside..." she said. Trembling slightly, I went back in. I was afraid, though. I wanted Mom there with me to go back in - I was afraid of what would happen if she wasn't. But I didn't tell her that. No, not after I had just slapped her.

So, life went on. Mom pretended like it had never happened, and I was extremely grateful for it. We got hrough Dad's death together. But, I didn't think I would ever understand why Mom hadn't cried.

I should have known that I would be wrong.

Around 20 years later, my husband of four years passed away. He was killed just like Dad and Mom were - Yes, Mom had been killed, too. When I was 21, she had been fighting off Slade, the one who had killed Dad. Yeah, she won - She killed him. But, he killed her, too. I had never been so proud and depressed at the same time. Dad had died at Slade's mercy, too. In fact, Dad had severely injured him. But Mom gave her life killing him - And, although I wasn't there to witness it, I think she knew that she would be killed during that battle, even if she killed Slade. My husband was killed while fighting off another villain.

I had a young child - A little girl. I had named her Raven, after Mom, who had died years before my daughter was born. Arella was only 8 when her father, my husband, died. His name was Zach.

Around halfway through the burial, Raven pulled me aside. "Mommy, why don't you cry?" she asked.

I thought about it for a moment - Why wasn't I crying? I smiled slightly, although I seemed surprised at my own answer. "Your father wouldn't have wanted me to."

My little girl didn't understand. But, for the first time, I did. It made sense now - Zach wouldn't have wanted me to cry. He would've wanted me to live a happy life. Raven, though she didn't understand, didn't get mad at me, or even reply. She merely nodded and went back to the crowd. I didn't, though. I had almost wished that Raven would slap me - The way I had slapped my own mother.

At the end of the burial, while Raven was waiting in the car with her Great- Grandfather, Bruce, I went over to Zach's grave. I kissed the stone and murmured, "I love you," to him. But, then, I went over to the stone that was there for both Mom and Dad, whom were buried side by side. I smiled as I looked at the stone. Someday you'll understand. Her words rang in my mind like she had just spoke them. Tears filled my eyes. "I know, Mom." I said softly. "I understand."

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**I hope you enjoyed that - Please review! I'm sorry for not updating my other fan fic, when I get back from Camp I'll be sure to get the chapter up. This was just a thought I got while reading the fic I mentioned earlier.**

**♥Tears of Insanity**


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